Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
