I showed him my bush... on skype.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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