JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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