I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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