So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
