bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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