I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
