You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize