She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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