I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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