remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
