My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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