I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The uberlube is also flammable
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize