His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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