too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
