I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize