She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
