I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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