They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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