...so i touched it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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