so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am naked and annoyed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
