Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
