Your tits are I can't wait for
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
