pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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