Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
