I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
