It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize