I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
