You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
