His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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