you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
