Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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