You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
