Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
