She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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