He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
