did you get engaged???
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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