It's Friday. Sex?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize