There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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