I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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