areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
