I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
