Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
