She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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