Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
