I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
