I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
