According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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