this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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