i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
