It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
