Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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