It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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