Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
