I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
