Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
