I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
