You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
