like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
