It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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