You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
