I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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