I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So much rum. So many feels.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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