Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
