I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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