I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
