Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
