Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize