I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
