So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
