he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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