we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
