Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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