If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
