you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
