Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
