We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
