TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
