I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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