My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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