He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
