You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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