Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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