I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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