Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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