whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
