We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
