i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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