Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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