Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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