Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
