I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize