You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
