I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it hurts more in the daytime
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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