Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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