Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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