I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
