so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize