I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
