She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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