I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
