I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
