If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
